i woke up this morning missing him and wanting to fix this thing between us. but then i realized that this thing between us couldn't be fixed bc it's not my fault that it is the way it is. it's his fault and he should be fixing it, but since he's not, and i can't force him to do anything, this leaves me with only one option - to change myself.
he gave me his word and didn't keep it. for me to just forgive him when he doesn't even try to make it up to me is not only disappointing, it's disrespectful... and i am disrespecting myself. i deserve better.
this also applies to V. every time we make plans and you flake out on me, it's not only disrespectful, but you're also wasting my time. both of these combined makes me mad as hell, because you should know better! but i let you off the hook bc you're sick and it's hard for me to stay mad at you. but enough is enough. so here's me telling myself that I should know better by now. next time we make plans, i won't be taking you seriously. you're gonna have to call me the day of to confirm whether or not i still have time to meet up with you because if i happen to overbook that day, i'm not rescheduling my other plans. even if my other plans aren't as important. even if my other plans were to sit in front of my computer, watching a BBT marathon (all re-runs). you've let me down too many times and i've just kept letting it slide. well, you need to know that i get really pissed when you go back on your word or when you make me wait and wait and wait while you dilly dally away hours that could be spent doing something more productive like what was planned! the time that pissed me off the most was when you made me wait and wait, and in the end, you went home to argue with your stupid bf, while i waited some more, only to realize, after you wasted my whole afternoon away, that our plans for the day were cancelled once again. while i'm at it, at least he told me he wouldn't make it. he didn't keep me waiting nearly as long as you have. well, i'm done feeling angry and disappointed because i deserve to be treated better.
so new year's resolution? stop disrespecting myself. stop surrounding myself with people who continue to disappoint me.
afterthought - maybe i should just cut the both of you out of my life.
